Behind the scenes of Naruto
by Akai Ito
Summary: Ever wondered about what happens backstage on the set of Naruto? It's one backward world! Lee's a ladies man, Sasuke's deperate, Neji is paranoid, Shino slays vampires, Kankurou's afraid of the boogieman and Kakashi is evil?
1. Episode 1

Episode 1

"And...Cut! OK guys take a break!"

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura walked off the stage together panting. They had spent the whole morning shooting the fight scene. The director had made them redo the fight scene over and over again until it was perfect.

Sasuke wiped the sweat on his forehead and turned to Sakura. "So, Sakura you wanna run lines with me?" He gave her his best smirk.

Sakura quickly turned away from him. "In your dreams, Sasuke!"

"But don't you have a crush on me?" The smirk had left his face and now it was a look of desperation.

"Oh Please. That's only in the Anime!

"Why doesn't anyone want to run lines with me!" Sasuke yelled.

Suddenly Gaara appeared out of nowhere. "If you want Sasuke I'll run lines with you!"

"Umm...It's OK I actually work better...uh...alone." Sasuke quickly tried to get as far away from Gaara as possible.

"Well if you change your mind just ask me!" Gaara yelled after Sasuke.

"I'd much rather run lines with you Naruto. What do you say Naruto?" Sakura turned the blonde haired boy and smiled sweetly.

"Run lines with Sasuke. I just remembered something I had to do." Naruto didn't wait for Sakura's reply and made his way to the other side of the set. There she was the girl that made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The one that he had been admiring for the longest time. Her name was Hinata. She was standing next to the food table helping herself to a sandwich. Naruto made his way to the table too.

"Hey. Naruto." She greeted calmly.

"Umm...uh...Hi..." Naruto hated himself. Whenever Hinata was around he always started to blush and forget whatever it was that he wanted to stay. It was now or never everyday he had spent his time admiring her, he had to do something.

"You were pretty go this morning at the fight scene." Hinata said coolly after swallowing a mouthful of sandwich.

"Uh...Thank you...Ummm..there's something I want to ask you...I mean It's OK if you don't want to...I just...Well ummm...Do you wanna..." Naruto was cut off somebody had entered the set. Silence filled the whole set and everyone's head turned towards the door. He was here. Rock Lee.

"Hey Lee." Hinata greeted as he walked pass the food table. Lee was probably the most popular guy on the whole set. Almost all the girls had crushes on him.

"Yo..." He answered in a smooth cool voice.

"Lee can I brush your eyebrows?" Sakura rushed over and looked at him with pure adoration.

"Wait a minute Sakura...I'm going to brush Lee's eyebrows!" Ino appeared out of nowhere she ran next to Lee and looked at him with heart shaped eyes.

"Hey I'm going to do it!" Sakura replied angrily.

"No me!" Ino insisted.

"Please ladies don't fight over me!" Lee said but it was obvious he was enjoying himself.

"You girls can brush my eyebrows!" Sasuke offered.

"Why would anyone want to brush your eyebrows?" Sakura retorted.

"Tell me then! What does Lee have that I don't have!" Sasuke asked Sakura angrily.

"Those two strong eyebrows of course!" Sakura answered dreamily.

"And those tantalizing eyes!" Ino added.

"Lee are those eyebrows ready?" Sakura asked. She had a small eyebrow brush in her hand.

"I'm the one that's going to brush Lee's eyebrows!" Ino pushed Sakura aside.

"I am!" Sakura shoved Ino to the side.

"Why doesn't anyone want to brush my eyebrows!" Sasuke yelled out of rage.

Suddenly Gaara appeared out of nowhere. "If you really want someone to brush your eyebrows. I'm willing to!"

"Uhh..it's OK...ummm...I gotta be somewhere...bye!" Sasuke quickly tried to get as far away from Gaara as possible.

"Well if you ever need anything ask me!" Gaara yelled at Sasuke.

Sasuke made his way to his dressing room. He stood near his wall mirror and examined his face. Sasuke tried to picture himself with thicker eyebrows. Maybe if he grew his eyebrows the girls would like him better. Would it be a good idea to grow his eyebrows he wondered to himself.

Will Sasuke and grow his eyebrows? Will Naruto ever tell Hinata how he feels? Who will brush Lee's eyebrows?

Tune in next time...


	2. Episode 2

Episode 2

"I'm going to brush Lee's eyebrows!" Sakura snapped at Ino.

"I told you already I'm going to!" Ino pushed Sakura to the side.

"Please ladies stop fighting!" Lee said. "You can both brush my eyebrows!"

"OK I get the right one and you can get the left one." Ino suggested.

"But I want the right one!" Sakura complained.

"You get the left one!" Ino yelled angrily.

While Ino and Sakura were fighting on who would brush what eyebrow, Naruto was dealing with his own problems.

"What were you saying Naruto?" Hinata asked turning her attention from Lee to Naruto.

Naruto started to blush and he avoided Hinata's gaze. "Uhh...W-well...I just...you know...I-I just wanted to ask you if..."

"Hinata! Neji! It's time for your scene!"

"I'm really sorry Naruto I gotta go. Tell me later OK!" Hinata gave him a little wave and quickly made her way to the set.

Naruto sighed to himself. If only he wasn't so shy. If only he had the courage to talk to Hinata without making a fool of himself. Then a great idea jumped into his head. He would advice. But he wouldn't ask just anyone he would ask the smartest, wisest, most brilliant person he knew.

Meanwhile at the other side of the set...

"Your my agent and I told you I want those deals!" Tenten whined into her cellphone. "I told you I'm gonna be the star of Tenten 1/2, Ten-Ten-Oh, and Cardcaptor Tenten."

Suddenly Hinata appeared out of nowhere. "Tenten where the heck is Neji it's time for his scene!"

Tenten pulled the cellphone away from her ears and pointed to a dark corner of the set. "He's over there but you might have a hard time dragging him to the stage!" Tenten then resumed to talking in her cellphone. "I don't care what they say get me those roles!"

Hinata walked over to the place where Tenten was pointing. Hinata found Neji in a ball rolling back and forth. "The itsy bitsy spider went down the water spout..."

"Neji. It's time for our scene. Now why don't you get up." Hinata spoke to him gently.

"Down came the rain and washed the spider out..." Neji continued to rock back and forth on the floor.

"Neji...Please get up!" Hinata was getting desperate.

"Out came the sun and washed up all the rain...And the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again...he he he he he he." Neji finished the song and started to laugh softy to himself.

"Your creeping me out. Come on Neji." Hinata grabbed the paranoid boy by his shoulders and started shaking him.

"The itsy bitsy spider...he got washed out...washed out...will he ever get up the water spout...tell me!" Neji quickly grabbed Hinata's collar and started to shake her frantically.

"Yes. Yes he will now come on let's go." Hinata removed Neji's hands from her collar and tried to drag the poor boy to the set.

"The spiders! spiders! spiders!" Neji put his hands to his head and started to roll on the floor.

"This is stupid." Hinata sighed. She stood silently as she watched Neji roll on the floor.

Suddenly Tenten appeared next to Hinata. She placed her hand on Hinata's shoulder. "Well there is one way I know..."

"And how is that?" Hinata asked.

"Well..." Tenten started in a devilish voice.

Meanwhile in Sasuke's dressing room...

Sasuke stared at his own reflection at the mirror. He had to find a way to grow his eyebrows so that the ladies would dig him. Growing his own eyebrow would take months. He had to find a way to grow them now. The racked his brain for ideas. There was only person that could help him the only problem was that he was well...scared of that person. Sasuke swallowed hard, he had to do it if not for himself but for all the girls. He had to talk to him. Sasuke had to talk to Gaara.

Sasuke made his way to Gaara's dressing room and reluctantly knocked on the door.

"Just a minute!" Gaara's muffled voice yelled from the room.

"Yes!" Gaara open the door in a frenzy. When Gaara saw it was Sasuke his eyes started to grow wide.

"Did you change your brushing your eyebrows?" Gaara asked enthusiastically.

"Uhh...no...but I do want to ask you a favor..." Sasuke said slowly.

"Please come in." Gaara opened his dressing wide open and escorted Sasuke in.

Sasuke reluctantly followed Gaara into his dressing room. Gaara signaled for Sasuke to sit on a brown chair facing him. It was the one of the strangest places that Sasuke that ever been. One corner of his room was a sandbox and it looked like Gaara was in the middle of making a sand castle. In the other side of the room was closet and some a big wall mirror. On the table in front of the mirror was a big black case.

"So what favor did you exactly want to ask?" A blushing Gaara asked.

Sasuke swallowed hard and decided he should just come out with it. "Gaara, Can I borrow some eyeliner!"

Gaara stared at Sasuke on his face was a confused expression. "Eyeliner? Why?"

"Well it's kind of personal. So can I?" Sasuke asked hopefully.

"Well I guess you can." Gaara walked over the table next to his mirror. He quickly unlatched the black case and opened it. It was one of the most amazing things that Sasuke had ever seen. In the case was rows and rows eyebrow pencils. "OK Sasuke. What color do you want I have 386 different colors. I have Charcoal black, rainbow black, ebony black, Help me I'm dying black, midnight black, dark black, black marble, Tickle-me-black, black oblivion..."

What color eyeliner will Sasuke pick? Will TEnten and Hinata ever get Neji to the set? Who will Naruto ask advice from? Will Lee ever get his eyebrows brushed?

Tune in next time...


	3. Episode 3

Episode 3

"... ebony black, neon black, electric black, assassin black, lemon black, hearts and stars black, bloody black, midori black, the world is ending black, eternal black, darkness black, black hole black..."

"Yes! I want that one the last one you said!" Sasuke screamed. He couldn't take it anymore Gaara had spent the last 20 minutes listing every single color of eyeliner he had.

"You mean black hole black? Are you sure? But I still have 186 colors to go!" Gaara asked pouting.

"Yes! I'm sure!" Sasuke's patience was running thin.

"OK but you have to promise that you'll give it back!" Gaara pulled out a small golden tube from the black case.

"I promise to give it back." Sasuke eagerly put out his hand for the eyeliner and Gaara reluctantly dropped it in his hand.

Suddenly there came a thumping from the door.

"Just a minute!" Gaara yelled to the door as he got up from his chair. He walked over the door and opened it. Kankurou was standing in the doorway. He was wearing light blue pajamas with white bunnies on it. In his arms was a pink teddy bear and he had his thumb in his mouth.

"Gaara!" Kankurou squeaked as he ran in and hugged Gaara.

"What's wrong?" Gaara asked his brother gently.

"The boogieman is under my bed and he's keeping me awake!" Kankurou said in Gaara's arms.

"Don't worry, I'll fight to protect you from anything. Come on! I'll fight the boogieman!" Gaara assured Kankurou.

Kankurou looked up at his brother with sparkling eyes. "Really! Your so brave Gaara! I hope that one day I can be as brave as you!"

"I'm not brave. I just want to protect you. As a brother it is my solemn duty to protect you from anything." Gaara hugged his brother tighter.

Sasuke watched the whole scene in disgust. "Uh...Bye you guys...I'll return the eyeliner as soon as possible..." Sasuke quickly left Gaara's room and made his way as far away from the siblings as possible.

Sasuke excitedly made his way back to his dressing room. "Sasuke!" On his way somebody called his name.

Sasuke froze his tracks. He knew exactly who had called him, he had to hide before it was too late. He looked around for a place.

It was too late. "Sasuke! Sasuke! I've been looking all over for you!" It was Itachi.

"Itachi? So nice to see you!" Sasuke greeted with false joy.

"Even though you tied me up and tried to feed me to crocodiles the last time we were together. I forgive because your my brother! And brothers have to take care of each other! Oh and I made you some muffins!" Itachi offered Sasuke a muffin from the tray he was holding.

"Oh yeah I'm sorry about that." Sasuke said in a forced laughed as he scratched the back of his neck. "Muffins? Well no thank you."

"But they're blueberry...and I worked so hard to make them. I just thought that maybe you like some muffins baked with loved..." Itachi looked up at his brother. It looked like he was about to cry.

"OK fine. Just one." Sasuke reluctantly grabbed a muffin and took a small bite.

"Well?" Itachi asked anxiously.

Sasuke swallowed and looked up at his brother. "It's OK I guess..."

Itachi hugged Sasuke tightly. "You really like it! Now I planned the whole day for us! We are going to the zoo, the supermarket, the dry cleaners, the beauty parlor, the park..."

Meanwhile...

Naruto had to ask the smartest, wisest, most brilliant person he knew. And that person was Gai-sensei.

Naruto found him meditating on the floor outside of his dressing room. "Gai-sensei!"

"It is you. The grasshopper that hops through the fields looking for the single grain of corn that will fill his stomach." He didn't even open his eyes as he greeted Naruto.

Naruto sat besides the meditating teacher. "Umm...Gai-sensei...I have a problem and I was just wondering if you can help me?"

"The world is a cruel and evil place. There is little goodness and truth that stays. Yet once in a while someone is touched with true beauty and only those people shall understand the great wonder that is life." Gai answered.

"Well you see I like this girl and I don't know how I should tell her. What do you think I should do?" Naruto asked shyly.

"In the winter the sparrow flies to the tropical south to where it is warm. He flees and goes to place where he knows he can survive. Then when the snow melts and the new spring dawns he will return the place he calls home." Gai continued to meditate.

"You mean I should just tell her? Thanks for the great advice!" Naruto got up happily and went looking for Hinata.

Somewhere Hinata and Tenten are still trying to get Neji to the set...

"There is one way I know for sure to get Neji to the set." Tenten searched her pockets for something. Finally she pulled out a small silver tube of lip gloss. She applied some glitter pink lip gloss to her lips.

Hinata stared at Tenten with bewilderment. "Your not going to..."

"What? Of course I'm not going to kiss him! My lips were just chapped and why the heck would I kiss someone who has been rolling on the floor for the last five minutes." Tenten answered in a laugh.

Hinata shrugged. "Well at least now he doesn't have to get ready for the fight scene. I mean he's already dirty."

"Oh as was saying there is one person who can probably get him to move." Tenten stared evilly at the boy still rolling on the floor.

"And who is that?" Hinata asked curiously.

"His name is Nara Shikamaru." Tenten answered.

Will Gaara fight the boogie man under Kankurou's bed? What the heck is Gai-sensei saying? Will Sasuke escape the wrath of Itachi?

Tune in next time...


	4. Episode 4

Episode 4

Naruto happily walked around the set looking for Hinata. With his new found confidence he promised to himself that he would finally tell Hinata that he loved her. As he walked around the set he spotted Kakashi-sensei.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto yelled at the silver haired ninja.

"Why it's one of may favorite students, Naruto!" Kakashi smiled an evil smile as the blonde approached. _Now I've got him! He escaped my last plan, but he won't escape this time! Not when I have devised my plan to take over the world! _

"Have you seen Hinata anywhere?" Naruto asked catching his breath.

"Hahahahahahahaha..." Kakashi laughed like a maniac. _My evil plan to conquer the world 1 failed but my evil plan to conquer the world 2 will surely succeed! _

"Hahahahahahhaha..." Naruto joined in on the laughing.

"Stop that!" Kakashi snapped at Naruto, he quickly obeyed. "Hahahahahahaha...cough...What were you saying?"

"So have you seen Hinata?" Naruto asked again.

"Hinata you say? I'm sorry no." The silver haired ninja answered. _Don't worry Naruto you won't live long enough to see Hinata. Not when I have finished with you! World domination! But first I must kill everyone on the set! Why? Because it's part of the plan! The plan to conquer the world 2!_

"I think that's Hinata over there!" Kakashi pointed behind Naruto's back.

Naruto turned around to look. He searched frantically in the direction that Kakashi had pointed to. "Where? Where? Over where?" _I've got you now Naruto! _Kakashi hovered over Naruto ready to grab him by the neck and choke the life out of him.

Suddenly Naruto turned around. Kakashi quickly hid his hands behind is back as Naruto turned around. "That's not her Kakashi-sensei. That's Kiba!"

"Why it is! My mistake." Kakashi laughed nervously. _I was so close! Naruto I will get you when you least expect it! _

"Thanks Kakashi-sensei but I really need to find Hinata!" Naruto ran away waving.

Kakashi waved back until Naruto was out of sight. _Naruto I will get you one day. But for now I'll work on eliminating someone else! Now where in the world can Sakura be._

Somewhere at the other side of the Naruto set...

"Shikamaru?" Hinata asked confused.

"Yes, if you really want Neji to stop rolling on the floor we have to find Shikamaru." Tenten grabbed Hinata's hand and pulled her towards a hallway. The hallway was aligned with doors. Each door had a golden star and a name on it. She stopped at the door at the end of the hall.

"Shikamaru!" Tenten yelled as he knocked on the door rapidly.

"I'll be there in a second!" Shikamaru's voice replied behind the door.

"Do you really think this is a good a idea?" Hinata asked Tenten.

"Of course it is! Just leave it to me!" Tenten assured.

Shikamaru opened the door smiling. "Why hello! If it isn't Tenten and Hinata! My both of you look really swell! Why don't you two come in!"

He opened the door and let the two girls enter his room. It was Hinata's first time in Shikamaru's room and she didn't know what to expect. Her mouth dropped open as she entered. The floor was covered with a plush cream colored carpet. The walls were lined with white wallpaper covered with pink hearts. On one side of the room was a pale blue couch and a heart shaped coffee table made of wood. Flower pots with exotic plants decorated the room and the smell of lavender lingered in the air. Shikamaru signaled for them to sit on the couch.

"May I get you some tea?" Shikamaru politely offered.

"No time actually we are here to ask you for a favor." Tenten replied smiling.

"Gee, I'll see if I can help you any way." Shikamaru smiled.

"Actually Neji wants to talk to you. And you know he's a bit shy and all so...he got us to ask you!" Tenten exclaimed.

"Neji! Why didn't you say so! If it's him then I'll be willing to talk to him. Please wait here a minute!" Shikamaru happily left them and entered the closet.

"How exactly is he going to get Neji to the set?" Hinata whispered at Tenten.

Tenten shrugged to herself. "Neji fears him."

Hinata stared at the closet where Shikamaru entered. She crossed her arms across her chest and mumbled to herself. "I think I'm starting to fear him too."

"Here it is!" Shikamaru finally emerged from the closet. "Isn't it lovely!" Shikamaru held up a beautiful yellow scarf embroidered with the initials NH.

"It's great come on let's go! We don't want to keep Neji waiting!" Tenten and Hinata got up form the couch and exited the room followed by Shikamaru who was holding the yellow scarf.

Meanwhile...

"...the bookstore, the pet shop, the flower shop, the carnival, and Iots of others!" Itachi exclaimed as he held Sasuke tighter.

"But...uh..." Sasuke racked his brain for an excuse. "I gotta Help Gaara fight the boogieman under Kankurou's bed!"

"The boogieman? Don't be silly little brother! Now come let's go! Don't you want to spend the day with your big brother!" Itachi stopped hugging Sasuke and grabbed his hand. He led Sasuke towards the exit of the Naruto set.

"Itachi look it's a giant green polka-dotted kangaroo!" Sasuke yelled as he pointed behind Itachi.

"Why that's silly giant green polka-dotted kangaroos don't exist!" Itachi laughed.

"A giant green polka-dotted kangaroo eating your blueberry muffins!" Sasuke exclaimed.

"Really? Where? Where is it?" Itachi searched the direction that Sasuke pointed to. Sasuke grabbed a nearby flower pot and hit it hard on his brother's head. Itachi fell on the floor unconscious.

"I'm sorry Itachi...OK maybe I'm not! But sweet dreams brother-dearest!" Sasuke exclaimed to his unconscious brother. He quickly ran back to his dressing room now that he had the eyeliner from Gaara his plan to make the ladies dig him would surely succeed.

Sasuke finally made it to his dressing room panting. There he locked the door and sat behind his wall mirror. Sasuke excitedly opened the tube of eyeliner that Gaara had lent him. Slowly and carefully he applied the eyeliner to his eyebrows until they resembled Lee's eyebrows. When he finished he stared at his work. Now the girls wouldn't be able to resist him.

Will Kakashi kill everyone? Will Naruto find Hinata? Will Sasuke's new eyebrows make the girls dig him? Will Shikamaru finally get Neji to the set?

Tune in next time...


	5. Episode 5

Episode 5

"But I want the right one!" Sakura yelled at Ino. The two had been going at it for the last 30 minutes arguing over who would brush Lee's eyebrows.

"But I thought you wanted the left one!" Ino screamed angrily, eyes popping out.

"You get the left one and I get the right one. Let's settle it at that." Sakura snapped at her platinum blonde rival.

"That's not fair!" Ino protested. She was just about ready to strangle Sakura.

"Ino find Shikamaru and Chougi! Neji and Hinata are taking so long. We'll just do your scene first!"

Sakura smiled evilly at Ino. "Well the director's calling you!" I guess I'll have to brush Lee's eyebrows all myself!" The pink haired Ninja laughed triumphantly.

Ino stuck her tongue out at Sakura in return. "We'll just see next time!" Reluctantly the platinum blonde ninja went about looking for her teammates.

"Lee are you ready!" Sakura squealed happily. "Huh? Where'd he go?" Ino and Sakura had been fighting so long that they hadn't notice that Lee had already left them.

Sakura searched frantically for Lee. The only other person around was Temari, she was sitting on a chair reading a magazine. "Hey! Temari! Did you see where Lee went?"

Temari lazily looked up from her magazine. "Lee? He left about ten minutes ago. He went that way towards Sasuke's dressing room." She pointed to where Lee went and then resumed reading her magazine.

"Thanks!" Sakura thanked Temari and then quickly made her way towards Sasuke's dressing room.

As Sakura made her way, someone called her. "Sakura!" The pink haired ninja stopped in her tracks and turned around to see who called her. Standing behind her was her silver haired teacher, Kakashi. _I've got you now Sakura. You'll never escape my plan! I will eliminate you! This is the end for you!_

Somewhere else...

"It's under there!" Kankurou squeaked at his red haired brother as he pointed to his bed. Gaara stared at the bed covered with a green dinosaur bed sheet and gulped. He had promised to his brother that he would fight the boogieman under his bed, there was no turning back.

"Don't worry Kankurou! I'll fight the boogieman and make sure he never bothers you again." Gaara assured Kankurou even though he wasn't so sure himself. "You stay here and I'll you know check it out."

Gaara slowly made his way towards his brother's bed. With all his courage, he grabbed the corner of the bed sheet. He gulped and with one swift movement lifted the bed sheet. The red haired ninja took a deep breathe and stuck his head under the bed. Suddenly Gaara was jerked under the bed.

Gaara screamed like a little girl. "OH MY GOSH! I"M GONNA DIE!" Gaara's muffled screams filled the whole room.

Kankurou stared in horror at his bed that was shaking and jerking violently. Kankurou was starting to panic there was only one thing to do. "Mommy. I want my mommy." Kankurou rolled up in a ball in the corner of the room and started to cry for his mommy. He tried to block out his brother's screams.

Suddenly a struggling Gaara emerged from under the bed. His clothes were all ripped, his hair was a mess, and dirt covered his face and body. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" He ran out of the room screaming his head off.

"Gaara, don't leave me!" Kankurou yelled as he quickly followed his screaming brother.

Meanwhile...

Shikamaru, Tenten, and Hinata made their way to where Neji was last rolling. They found the paranoid boy rolled up in a ball rocking back and forth in a dark corner.

"Here we are and look it's Neji!" Tenten pointed to the dark corner.

"Old MacDonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O...and on his farm he had some ducks E-I-E-I-O...with a quack quack here..." Neji sang quietly to himself.

"My, our Neji really does have a swell singing voice." Shikamaru commented at Hinata and Tenten as he listened to Neji quack.

"...quack quack there, here a quack, there a quack, everywhere a quack quack..." Neji continued.

Quickly he made his way to where Neji was singing. "Neji! I made this just for you!" Shikamaru said as he held up the scarf.

Neji stopped his singing and stared hard at Shikamaru and the scarf. "Shi...Shika...Shikamaru!" He screamed and started to claw at the wall behind him, trying to escape.

"I made it just for you and it even has your initials!" Shikamaru wrapped the scarf around tightly around Neji's neck. Maybe a little too tight. The scarf was wrapped so tightly that Neji's eyes were popping out and he was having a hard time breathing.

Neji stopped scratching the wall behind him and started to claw at the yellow scarf that was choking him. "Help me! Aaaaaahhhhhhh!" Neji managed to scream. He ended up on the floor wrestling with the piece of yellow clothes around his neck. "Get it off! Get if off!" He choked out with great difficulty.

"You like it you really like it!" Shikamaru exclaimed happily as he watched Neji roll on the floor.

"How is this suppose to get Neji to the stage again?" Hinata asked as she watched Neji rolling on the floor.

Tenten shrugged and turned her attention from Neji to Hinata. "I don't know...I just thought that maybe Shikamaru could chase Neji to the stage or something."

"I guess there's only one thing left to do." Hinata said to Tenten.

"Leave Neji and Shikamaru then go out for coffee?" Tenten answered calmly.

"I was going to say slap Neji and drag him unconscious to the stage, but that sounds good too." With that Tenten and Hinata left the Neji and Shikamaru and headed for the stage exit.

Will Neji be choked to death? What the heck is under Kankorou's bed? What does Kakashi have planned for Sakura?

Tune in next time...


	6. Episode 6

N/A: Hey thanks for all the reviews! I'm really happy that you guys like it! Forgive me for any grammar and spelling errors. I just wanted to tell you guys to check out my other fic Calling all Ninjas. Thanks!

Episode 6

Ino grumbled to herself as she searched the Naruto stage for her teammates. It was so unfair that Sakura got to spend time with Lee and she had to run around the set looking for Chouji and Shikmaru. Finally Ino spotted Chouji standing near the food table talking to Shino.

"I'm sure of it! I'm absolutely positive!" Shino insisted to Chouji.

"Yeah. Sure. Whatever." Chouji answered flatly. Chouji seemed extremely bored with whatever Shino had to say and he seemed to only be half-listening. "This is so annoying." Chouji grumbled to himself.

"Chouji!" Ino screamed at the fat boy as she approached the food table.

"Oh great, it's that troublesome Ino. She's probably here to tell me it's time for our scene. Then she's probably going to drag me all over this stupid stage and look for that idiot Shikamaru." Chouji grumbled to himself.

"Chouji! It's time for our scene and I need to drag you all over this stupid stage and look for that idiot Shikamaru!" Ino exclaimed as she finally reached the food table.

Before Chouji had a chance to tell Ino how troublesome she was, out of nowhere Kiba appeared. He was in such a hurry that he ran into the food table. The whole table flipped over and all the sandwiches, chips, fruits, drinks, and other food flew into the air. All the food landed on Chouji. Shino and Ino were able to avoid the rain of food.

"What exactly do you think your doing?" Chouji asked in monotone. The fat boy was drenched with soda, chips were on his shoulders, and a sandwich was sitting on his head.

Kiba was sitting on the floor staring up at the dirty boy. "Did you see George?" Kiba asked in a panic as he looked up at Chouji.

"George?" Chouji asked annoyed. He dusted the chips on his shoulders and removed the sandwich on his head.

"Yeah! He's my chicken. Did any if you see him?" The dog boy asked as he picked himself of the floor.

Ino thought to himself for a second. "What does he look like?" Ino asked Kiba.

"Well he's about a foot tall, sharp fangs, white feathers, red eyes, invisible." Kiba described.

Shino fixed his sunglasses and faced Kiba. "If your chicken George is missing that means only one thing."

Ino stared wide eyed at the fly boy. "What does it mean?" She asked curiously.

"It means vampires have invaded the Naruto set. They plan to take over the world and make us surrender our toothbrushes. The vampires are strong so they will use their special mind control powers and outrageously big buckets to make us give in. But their plans will not work with me, Aburame Shino, on the case." Suddenly Shino takes out a 2 feet long machine gun.

Kiba and Ino jumped at the sight of the weapon of mass destruction. Chouji just stood there with a frown. "What the heck are you going to do with that!" Ino screamed in terror.

Shino's glasses flashed as he turned to platinum blonde girl. "I'm going vampire hunting." A smirk crept onto his face as he slowly faced his companions he directed the machine gun at Ino, Chouji, and Kiba. "But first I need to make sure that you guys aren't vampires."

"What are you doing? Your not going to brutally murder us are you?" Kiba squeaked.

"I'm too pretty to die!" Ino shrieked as she and Kiba hug each other.

Shino just smiled and pressed the trigger. In an instant Chouji, Kiba, and Ino are drenched in water. "Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Shino ran away from the wet threesome while wielding his machine gun.

Chouji, Kiba, and Ino stood in stunned silence as they watched Shino run around the set carrying his machine gun.

"I thought he was going to shot us." Ino exclaimed in monotone as she stood in shock.

Chouji wiped his face with his hand and faced Ino. "It's holy water. That was what he was talking about before you came. Something about vampires using buckets to hypnotize people or something."

Finally Ino shrugged to herself and faced Chouji. "Let's go and find Shikamaru, Chouji." Chouji grumbled to himself as he went with Ino. A stunned Kiba stood alone, wet, and next to an upturned food table.

Meanwhile at the other side of the Naruto set...

"Kakashi-sensei? Do you need something?" Sakura smiled as she asked her silver haired teacher.

"I just wanted to give you this." Kakashi took out a small green bottle and handed it to the pink haired ninja. _When you drink the liquid your body will be filled with poison. The poison will slowly make you sick then after suffering your body will give in and you will surely die. Unless by some miracle you find the antidote. Which I made sure no one will be able to find._

Sakura stared down at the green bottle in her hands. "What is it, Kakashi-sensei?" She asked while tilting the bottle to one side. The slender green bottle was filled with a strange dark liquid and sealed with a cork.

"Uh...well...it's homemade cranberry juice! I just wanted to taste it. If it tastes good then tell me so I can made some more." Kakashi explained in a laugh as he scratched the back of his head nervously. _Drink the poison Sakura. You will be the first person I will eliminate. World Domination! My evil plan to conquer the world 2! Death Destruction! Mayhem!_

"Thanks, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura thanked her teacher as she pocketed the green bottle.

"Aren't you going to taste it?" Kakashi exclaimed as the pink haired ninja ran away.

"I'll drink it later! I just need to ask Sasuke if he saw Lee." Sakura yelled back as she made her way to Sasuke's dressing room. Temari had said that Lee had gone towards Sasuke's dressing room. Now she had to find Lee before Ino came back from doing her scene.

In Sasuke's dressing room...

Sasuke smiled at his work. His eyebrows now resembled Lee's. All the girls would like him and they wouldn't be able to resist him. Now it was time to show the world the new Uchiha Sasuke. He was going to show the world and all the girls his new look.

Sasuke hopped off his chair and happily made his way to his door. He opened it and stepped outside. Suddenly Shino carrying a machine gun appeared in front of him. This was his chance to ask someone about his new look.

Sasuke opened his mouth to speak but before he could say anything Shino had sent a spray of water his way. "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Shino quickly ran away, leaving a soaked and surprised Sasuke.

"Stupid Shino." Sasuke muttered to himself as he wiped his face with his hand.

Have vampires invaded the Naruto set? Will Sakura drink the poison and die? How long will Kiba stand in shock?

Tune in next time...


	7. Episode 7

N/A: Thanks to all the people that reviewed my story. It means a lot to me! I have a new C2 community. I just wanted to invite you guys to submit stories or become staff memeber (I need them)! If you don't want to at least subscribe.

Episode 7

Sakura jogged to Sasuke's dressing. It was vital that she spent time with before Ino came back. As the pink haired ninja quickly made her way to where the dressing rooms were she spotted a black heap on the floor. Puzzled, she bent down to investigate. It was Sasuke's older brother, Itachi. He was unconcious and next to him was a shattered flower vase.

Sakura grabbed hold of Itachi's collar and started to shake him frantically. "Hey! Hey! Wake up! Wake up!" Sakura slapped the unconscious guy trying to bring him back to his senses.

Itachi suddenly opened his eyes. "No more rubber duckies!" He screamed.

"Rubber duckies? What the heck are you talking about! I found you having a nap on the floor! Now exactly what were you doing?" Sakura let go Itachi and stood watching him.

Itachi kneeled on the floor trying to remeber what happened. "Sasuke. He hit me with a flower vase." Itachi said softly as he rubbed his sore head. "He said there was a green polka-dotted kangaroo eating my blueberry muffins!" He exclaimed as he picked himself off the floor.

"Rubber duckies? Green polka-dotted kangaroos? I think you lost your marbles!" Sakura exclaimed.

"My marbles?" Itachi searched his pockets. "Don't worry my marbles are right here!" Itachi opend his hand and revealed to Sakura four shiny marbles. "I still have my marbles! This is Chi Chi, Cha Cha, Chu Chu, and Sasuke!" Itachi exclaimed happily as he lifted each marble and showed them to Sakura.

Sakura stared at Itachi. "Right...well I got to see Sasuke." Sakura turned around and went on her way.

"Wait! If your going to Sasuke's room take me with you!" Itachi pleaded.

Sakura turned around, thought to herself, and shrugged. "I guess if you really want to." Itachi walked to where Sakura was and they headed to meet Sasuke.

Near the upturned food table...

A wet Kiba stood silent next to the messy table. He still couldn't forget his encounter with Shino's machine gun. He had seen his life flash before his eyes, before he was drenched with holy water.

"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!" Suddenly Gaara ran by screaming his head off.

"Wait for me!" Kankurou exclaimed as he chased after Gaara.

Gaara would have probably ran around the Naruto set the whole day, but as he ran near the food table he slipped on a banana. Gaara fell on the floor face down. Kankurou tried to stop himself but he was too late. He tripped over his brother and landed on top of him.

Kiba snapped out of his trance as Gaara and Kankurou fell to the floor. What the heck was Gaara screaming about? Kiba kneeled in front of the Gaara and Kankurou. "Why were screaming?" He asked Gaara.

"The boogieman! He's under Kankurou's bed! He sucked me in! He tried to eat me!" Gaara yelled hysterically.

"The boogieman?" Kiba thought to himself as he helped Kankurou up.

"It was horrible!" Gaara exclaimed as he took Kiba's hand and pulled himself off of the floor.

"Oh my gosh! Maybe it's George!" Kiba yelled happily. "What did you see?"

"Actually I didn't see anything. I was too busy dying!" Gaara shouted wildly. He still seemed affected by the encounter with the boogieman.

"Let's go to Kankurou's room! Maybe the monster is my pet chicken George." Kiba said excitedly.

Worry filled Gaara's face as he looked at Kiba. "Are you sure? I mean it was horrible and scary!"

"Well if it's George then I'll be able to get him out of the bed! Then Kankurou won't be bothered by the boogieman again!" Kiba exclaimed.

Gaara stared at his brother. It was his duty to protect in brother and if that meant playing with the monster under his bed then he would do it. Gaara gulped to himself and nodded.

Gaara, Kankurou, and Kiba made their way to Kankurou's room. They had to find out if the boogieman was really Kiba's pet chicken George.

Some dark corner of the Naruto set...

Neji was still wrestling with the scarf that Shikamaru had made for him. "Get if off of me! Help!" He choked out.

As Shikamaru stood there he seemed to be filled with joy. He watched in admiration as Neji continued to roll on the floor. "I'm so glad that you liked my gift, Neji!"

"Shikamaru! Shikamaru!" Shikamaru turned to see who had called him. A wet Ino and Chouji was approaching him.

"Shikamaru it's time for our scene!" Ino yelled as she went to where Shikamaru was. An annoyed Chouji also made his way to where they were standing.

Ino stopped what she was saying when she saw Neji rolling in the floor. Chouji, Shikamaru, and Ino stood in a line facing Neji. There heads followed as Neji rolled. Left. Righ. Left. Right. Left. Right. Finally Ino got back to her senses. "Shikmaru I don't want to know what the heck to did to him, but we got to go to the stage right now."

"Yeah. I mean we've been looking around the stupid stage for you." Chouji grumbled.

Shikamaru satred at Ino and Chouji. "Alright then. Let's go!" The he turned his attention from his teammates to Neji. "Don't worry Neji I'll come back when I'm finished with my scene."

Ino, Chouji, and Shikamaru left the Neji and went to the stage.

Neji was left rolling on the floor still trying to get the scarf off his neck. "Help me! I can't breathe!" Neji screamed with difficulty. He continued to claw at the yellow scarf as he rolled on the floor.

Suddenly two dark figures approached the paranoid boy. "We might as well help him." Neji recognized that voice. It was Hinata and besides her was Tenten. They were both sipping ice mochas. Tenten shrugged, kneeled down, and took off the scarf with one hard jerk.

"So what now?" Tenten asked as he stood up. Neji was lying on the floor panting. He could finally breathe properly.

Hinata took a another sip from her straw and contemplated on it. "Wanna slap him unconscious?" Hinata asked Tenten calmly.

"How about not." Tenten replied as she watched Neji on the floor.

Hinata shrugged as she played with her straw. "What are we going to do hypnotize him?" Hinata asked half-serious.

Tenten considered it and turned to Hinata. "How do you suppose we could do that?"

What will happen on Itachi and Sakura's vist to Sasuke? Is George the boogieman? How will Tenten and Hinata hypnotize Neji?

Tune in next time...


	8. Episode 8

N/A: Currently I am working on two other Naruto fics, Calling all Ninjas and The Konoha Karaoke Bar. So if you want to read some more abstract craziness from me read my other fics. That's all.

Episode 8

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Shino ran around the Naruto set carrying his machine gun and drenching random people. He stopped and looked around for someone to splash with holy water. Then he saw her. She was sitting just sitting there, so unaware of what he was doing. An evil smiled spread across Shino's face as he tip-toed slowly to his next victim. He fixed his machine gun on her and pressed the trigger.

Temari threw her magazine the air, backflipped out of her chair, and landed kneeling on the floor behind her chair. The spray of water missed her head by inches. "What do you think your doing?" She asked angrily as she stared at him narrow-eyed.

Shino stood straight and fixed his glasses. "'There are vampires on the Naruto set. I'm hunting to see if anyone here is one." She stared hard and Temari. He had bad feeling about her.

Temari stood up, while continuing to glare at Shino. "Well, I'm not one so why don't you go bother someone else."

Now he was positive. "Liar! You are a vampire!" Without a second thought Shino sent another spray of holy water towards the "vampire".

Temari jumped out of the way just in time. She was kneeling on the floor with her head down. As she lifted her head she smiled evilly at Shino. "How did you ever know?" With that fangs grew out of Temari's mouth. She licked her lips and picked herself off the floor.

"You'll never make me surrender my toothbrush!" Shino yelled. He got ready to send the third spray of water when he couldn't move. He tried to move but his body just wouldn't obey. "What did you do to me you dirty vampire!"

Temari just laughed evilly at him. "I thought you knew everything about us. Remember we have special mind control powers. Now I control your body!"

"Well what are you going to do to me now?" He yelled hysterically as he tried to move.

Temari continued to smile evilly at her victim. "The worst thing imaginable."

Suddenly Shino felt a strange sensation going through his body. It was moving by itself. Shino stared at his body in horror he was doing something so horrible words couldn't describe it. "Noooooooooooooooooooo!" Shino screamed. He put his left foot in. He put his left foot out. He put his left foot in and shaked it all about. He was doing the hokey pokey and he turned himself around. That was what it was all about.

Meanwhile...

Sakura and Itachi made their way to Sasuke's dressing room. Then she saw it. It was horrible. Sasuke was standing outside his door. His face. His face was smeared with black.

Sakura made her way to him wide eyed. "Sasuke. If I had known then maybe I would have been a lot nicer to know. Why didn't you tell me!" She wrapped her arms around Sasuke and held him tightly.

Sasuke stood in complete shock. Had it worked? Was it his new eyebrows? What the heck was Sakura talking about? "Sakura...I..." He tried to speak but the words just wouldn't come out.

Sakura looked up with tears in her eyes. "Sasuke why didn't you tell you were dying!"

"I'm dying?" Sasuke asked surprised. Then he looked at his right hand. His hand was covered in black eyeliner. When Shino had soak him he had used his hand to wipe his face. The eyeliner must have smudged in when he wiped his face.

"If I only knew that you were dying from some incurable disease I would have been glad to run lines with you." Sakura exclaimed.

This is what he wanted wasn't it? He wouldn't let this chance slip by. He looked down Sakura sorrowfully. (Insert some sad corny music) "I'm sorry. I just didn't want to make you worry about me." He exclaimed dramatically as he looked into her eyes as she held her hand.

Suddenly Itachi grabbed his little brother and hugged him tightly. Tears were streaming down his face. "Sasuke! Why didn't you tell me about this!" Itachi was hugging Sasuke so tightly that he was having a hard time breathing.

"Too tight. Too tight." Sasuke managed to choke out. If Itachi wouldn't let go soon Sasuke would really be dead.

Finally Itachi released Sasuke. Sasuke placed his hands on his chest and tried to regulate his breathing. "You idiot." Sasuke coughed out.

"Oh no! Sasuke's having a hard time breathing." Sakura exclaimed in horror. "Here this will help!" He pulled Kakashi's cranberry juice out her pocket. Quickly she took of the cork and forced the strange liquid into Sasuke's mouth. After almost being choked to death there was little Sasuke could do to stop Sakura from pouring the strange liquid in his mouth.

"What the..." Sasuke started to feel a strange dizzy feeling and a strange warm sensation flowed throughout his entire body. His head was feeling light and he was starting to lose his balance. The world around him was spinning and everything looked blurry. What had Sakura made me drink? This was the last thing on Sasuke's mind before he feel into blackness.

Somewhere at the other side of the Naruto set...

There she was. Naruto stood watching her. Hinata was standing next to Tenten drinking an ice mocha. They were both staring down at a panting Neji and having a conversation.

Now all he had to remember was what Gai-sensei had told him earlier. What was it again? Something about grasshoppers in the winter that were returning to the place called home. No that wasn't right. It was people who are touched that search or grains in the south. That wasn't it either. It was about Sparrows hopping through fields trying to understand the great wonder of life. That was about right. Naruto summoned all his courage and approached Hinata.

"...umm...H-hi...Hinata..." Naruto announced in an extremely high girl voice.

Hinata and Tenten turned around at the greeting. When Hinata saw it was Naruto, she smiled to greet him. "Hello, Naruto. Wasn't there something that you had to tell me earlier?"

Naruto felt his hear beating faster and his mouth start to dry up. But this was his chance. His moment to tell Hinata what he really felt for her. All he had to do was remember what Gai-sensei said and everything would be all right. "Well...ummm...grasshoppers...returning to the place called home...and uh...trying to understand the wonder of life...uh...sparrows..." Naruto exclaimed incoherently.

Hinata and Tenten stared at Naruto blankly. What the heck was Naruto saying. "Maybe we should get Shikamaru to help us again." Tenten whispered to Hinata.

Hinata shot an "Are you crazy!" look at Tenten. Tenten just shrugged then decided that watching Neji panting was more interesting than listening to Naruto babble nonsense.

"I'm sorry...it was just that Gai-sensei...ummm advice...then you and I here...me...uh snow melts..." Naruto tired to apologize but again he had trouble forming complete sentences.

When will Shino stop dancing the Hokey Pokey? Will Sasuke die? Will Naruto be able to pull himself together?

Tune in next time...


	9. Episode 9

Episode 9

Sasuke moaned painfully. His felt like he had been run over by a truck and then dragged 3 miles to a hospital. He couldn't move any part of his burning body. He weakly opened his eyes and tried to adjust his vision. His surroundings were blurry but he managed to see two blurry figures leaning over him. There was a blackish blob and a pinkish one.

"Sasuke? Sasuke? Are you alright?" Sasuke was sure that the voice belonged to Sakura.

"Oh no! Why? Why? Why did this have to happen to my Sasuke?" The second figure wept loudly. Without a doubt Sasuke knew that the cry belonged to his brother, Itachi.

Sasuke let out another painful moan. "Sakura? Sakura…I'm…fine…" Sasuke managed to choke out with a cough. But it was quite obvious with his coarse voice and endless coughing that he wasn't.

"Well if you're fine then I'll leave! I mean I do still have to find Lee! Bye!" With that the pink haired ninja hurried left the room.

"Sakura…uh…wait…" Sasuke tired calling out to Sakura but he was interrupted by an eruption of coughs. He even tried to get up from his bed, but he didn't even get up a few inches and his tired body fell back to the bed.

"Sasuke! Don't try to strain yourself!" Itachi cried. He quickly made his way to his brother's side. Itachi continued to cry hysterically. "Sasuke, why didn't you tell me you were dying?" He softly whispered.

Sasuke opened his mouth to make some rude, nasty comment but the only that came out was another fit of coughs. Why exactly did Sakura make him drink? But he didn't blame Sakura; she was only trying to help. Sasuke blamed Itachi for almost choking him to death.

Finally Itachi seemed to stop bawling. He smiled weakly at Sasuke and exclaimed. "Sasuke, since you're dying and I called some people to visit you."

Sasuke didn't even get time to react and the door of his bedroom burst open. "Sasuke! Sasuke! Why are you dying?" A booming voice cried. A figure leaned over Sasuke and continued to sob. "Sasuke do you recognize me? This is your uncle Kisame. Oh no, the poor boy doesn't even remember me!" Kisame continued to weep.

"There, There." Itachi comforted Kisame by patting him lightly on the back. "I mean it's not like I'm losing my brother or anything…" Itachi couldn't take it anymore he too started to cry again.

Kisame and Itachi hugged each other and sobbed wildly. "Why? Why did it have to be our Sasuke?"

The room was silent except for the low sobbing of Kisame and Itachi and Sasuke's heavy breathing. Then another voice spoke from the door. "I had to see if you really were dying, Sasuke-chan."

Sasuke froze. He knew exactly who that voice belonged to.

Somewhere near a panting paranoid boy…

"Uh, Hinata…bye…grains and fields…hehehe…got to go…" With that Naruto quickly left a confused Hinata before he could embarrass himself anymore.

Naruto ran behind a wall and caught his breathe. Why did he have to such an idiot? Why couldn't he just tell Hinata what he felt? Why?

"Having some girl problems are we, Naruto?" Naruto looked up to see who had just spoken to him.

"Leave me alone, Lee." Naruto replied weakly. He didn't want anyone witnessing his woe.

"Well if you really wanted I could help you. I could you know teach you everything I know about girls. I mean a lot of girls do like me you know." Lee offered calmly.

Naruto's face lit up. "Do you really mean that Lee?"

"Yeah, Of course I mean it." Lee smiled. "Welcome to Lee's Hunka Macho Lessons."

Meanwhile…

Gaara, Kiba, and Kankurou stood at the door of Kankurou's bedroom.

"It was right over, under that bed." Gaara squeaked as he pointed to Kankurou's bed. Kankurou fearfully hid behind his brother. Kiba smiled brightly as he stared at the bed.

"I'll just check it." Kiba exclaimed calmly as he headed towards Kankurou's bed. He lifted up the corner of Kankurou's bed and stuck his head in. Suddenly he was engulfed by the bed.

Gaara's eyes widened as he stared in horror bed. Kankurou closed his eyes and hid behind Gaara. What were they going to do?

Gaara was just about to call for help when Kiba called from under the bed. "Hey guys its ok. It's George. It's George my sharp fanged, red eyed, invisible chicken." Kiba giggled and laughed under Kankurou's bed.

Gaara and Kankurou sighed with relief. Then after a few more moments Kiba emerged from under the bed holding air. "Gaara, Kankurou meet my chicken George." Kiba held up his empty hand to show the invisible chicken.

Before Gaara didn't even have time to react and George gave out a ferocious growl and attacked Gaara. George bit Gaara's pants leg and brought him to the floor. Gaara screamed his head off. "Oh no! Please! I'm going to die again!"

Finally the red haired ninja managed to shake off the angry chicken. "Aaaaaaahhhhhh!" In a panic Gaara ran out of the room waving his arms like crazy and screaming.

"Gaara! Wait for me!" Kankurou yelled and ran after his brother and the crazy chicken.

"George!" Kiba yelled and ran after Kankurou, Gaara, and George.

"Please! I don't want to die!" Gaara shrieked like a madman. In his fright Gaara didn't see the 15 foot red brick wall in front of him.

"There you are George!" Finally Kiba managed to catch his chicken the exact moment Gaara ran straight into the brick wall.

"Gaara!" Kankurou cried in terror, running to his brother's side. "Gaara, Gaara, are you alright?" He tried to wake up his unconscious brother.

"Huh? What?" Gaara opened his eyes.

"Is he alright?" Kiba called to Kankurou. He stayed a good distance to make sure that George didn't get another chance to attack Gaara.

"Are you OK? How many pancakes did Temari have for breakfast? What is the speed of light? What color is my underwear? Gaara, are you alright?" Kankurou asked hysterically.

"Two; one blueberry and one chocolate chip, 299,792,458 meters per second or about 186,000 miles per second, and purple with green dinosaurs." Gaara answered weakly. "Gaara? Who's that? Where am I? Who are you? Who am I?"

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Kankurou yelled.

"What is it?" Kiba called, as he petted George from a distance.

"Gaara has…Gaara has…Gaara has appendicitis!" Kankurou cried.

Gaara has appendicitis? Who is Sasuke's unknown visitor? Will Lee's Hunka Macho Lessons help Naruto?

Tune in next time…


	10. Episode 10

N/A: Don't shoot me for the extremely long update! I've been working on all my other fanfics I know I shouldn't take up some many projects at the same time but I can't help myself. Anyway for everyone's information Gaara does have amnesia, Kankurou's just an idiot.

Episode 10

He put his left foot in. He put his left foot out. He put his left foot in and shaked it all about. He was doing the hokey pokey and he turned himself around. That was what it was all about. "You witch let go of me!" Shino screamed as he tried in vain to take control of him body.

"Actually the right expression is vampire…remember I'm a vampire not a witch." Temari explained calmly.

"Let go of me you good for nothing mind-controlling vampire." Shino shrieked ignoring whatever Temari was saying.

Before Temari could say anything two figures approached the vampire. It was Hinata and Tenten. They decided to come up with another brilliant plan to get Neji to stop acting like a baby. They had been walking when the heard Shino's high-pitched shrieks. They had followed in and heard Temari's confession. "So you're a mind-controlling vampire," Hinata exclaimed, "that's great!"

"It is?" Temari, Shino, and Tenten exclaimed at the same time.

"Yeah…you can hypnotize Neji and finally make him to the set so that he can finally do our scene." Hinata exclaimed happily.

Temari shrugged. "Are you sure that you're not working with slayer boy here?" Temari pointed a thumb behind her back and pointed at the dancing Shino.

"Does it look like we would be working for _him_?" Tenten glanced at Shino with a look of disgust.

"I guess not. Fine I'll do it." Temari exclaimed.

"Come on let's go to Neji." Tenten lead Temari to where Neji was currently rolling.

"Don't leave me like this!" The still dancing Shino yelled at the three girls.

"What about Shino?" Hinata asked as she caught up with Temari and Tenten.

Temari shrugged as the threesome walked side by side. "Don't worry about him. I just wonder how long it takes him to realize that I stopped controlling him like five minutes ago…"

Meanwhile in Sasuke's room…

"Why you look awful Sasuke-chan…" The cool voice announced.

It was the one and only Orochimaru. He glided from the door to the side of Sasuke's bed. Sasuke was gripped with horror.

"Sasuke-chan, Why... Why did it have to happen to my son…?" Orochimaru moaned painfully.

"I'm NOT your son! When did I become your son?" Sasuke spat out between coughs.

"Well since your parents were mysteriously murdered I decided to adopt you and Itachi. That's why you are now my son and I am the proud mother of two darling boys."

"You can't do that!" Sasuke choked out after a fit of coughs.

"I can and I did. I even have the adoption papers to prove it." Orochimaru took out an adoption certificate. "I even changed both of your names…"

Sasuke Erupted, he blew his top and his eyes popped out of eyes. "Why the heck does my name say Priscilla Sasuke Uchiha!

"Isn't it adorable?" Itachi exclaimed between a sob. "My new name is Chester Itachi Uchiha."

"Anyway don't worry, I will make these last few hours of your life as meaningful as possible…" Orochimaru placed a big pink backpack on the edge of Sasuke's bed. "Here I bought your things."

Orochimaru reached into the frilly pink backpack and took out a stuffed yellow rabbit. "Here Sasuke here's your favorite stuffed animal Mr. Patches!"

"How did you get Mr. Patches? Give him back." Sasuke shrieked.

"Here you go." Orochimaru handed Mr. Patches to Sasuke. He continued to dig through the pink backpack. "Look I found our photo album!" Orochimaru exclaimed as he took out a big blue photo album.

"We don't have a photo album" Sasuke exclaimed flatly. He was dying but he was still sane.

"Well we don't have a _real_ photo album but I did steal pictures of you and Itachi and then used Photoshop to add myself to the picture." Orochimaru quickly sat besides Sasuke and opened the photo album.

"Look it's the time that you threw your first shuriken!" Itachi exclaimed as he pointed to a picture of Sasuke with Orochimaru standing besides him.

"Look it's our family vacation at the beach!" Orochimaru cooed as he pointed to a picture of Sasuke, Itachi, and himself.

Sasuke couldn't take it anymore. "Oh god, please kill me now…"

Near the row of dressing rooms…

_One down about a million more people to go but it's all going on according to plan. The next person I must eliminate is my arch rival, Gai. _Kakashi made his way to a neat row of dressing rooms. A smile spread across his face as he saw Gai mediating outside his dressing room.

"Why if it isn't my good friend, Maito Gai!" Kakashi greeted him casually. _Eliminating you will be too easy!_

"Kakashi You only the true hearted people will know the truth and only the kind hearted shall know redemption." Gai exclaimed calmly.

"Well that's nice and all I was just wondering if you would like to have some tea with me?" Kakashi offered the mediating man. _Let's have a cup of tea because it will surely be your last!_

"Well if the wolfs calls to the beautiful blue moon and the rooster to the new emerging sun I don't see why not. I think knowing others is as important as knowing yourself." Finally Gai stopped his mediation and open his eyes.

"Well why don't we go to that new coffee shop, you know Star Lucks? The one that's located just outside the set…" Kakashi suggested. _Oh what a horrible incident it will be. Gai will get run over by a truck after trying to cross the street. It will be a truly terrible accident._

"If that's what will bring sunshine to your dark life my friend." Gai answered as he stood up.

"Well it will. It certainly will…" Kakashi smiled evilly to himself. _If only he knew my top secret evil plans to take over the world! Hahahahahaha!_

Will Kakashi's plan finally succeed? Will Temari's mind control power be any help to Neji? Will god finally kill Sasuke?

Tune in next time…


	11. Episode 11

N/A: I know, I know I must learn to update more often…

Episode 11

"Nooooo! Gaara has appendicitis…What am I going to do? What am I going to do?" Kankurou frantically breathed. He sobbed hysterically as he kneeled next to his confused brother. Gaara still seemed have no clue what was going on.

"I have an idea!" Kiba exclaimed as he approached the two sand siblings carrying his invisible chicken, George.

"You, get away! Keep that monster away from us!" Kankurou exclaimed as he possessively wrapped an arm around Gaara's neck.

"Can't breathe…choking…choking…." Gaara breathed with difficulty. His eyes were watering and his face had turned red.

"But I know how to cure Gaara! You just have to follow me." Kiba exclaimed as he stopped a good distance away from the pair.

The puppet master thought to himself for a moment. "Fine, we'll follow you. But keep that monster away from Gaara and me!" Kankurou exclaimed apprehensively as he finally released his grip on Gaara. The red-haired boy collapsed on the floor catching his breathe.

Kankurou helped his confused brother up. Reluctantly they followed Kiba to wherever the heck he was taking them.

"Where are we going? Who are you? Who am I again?" Gaara asked as he looked innocently up at Kankurou.

"Why? How am I going to save Gaara?" Kankurou sobbed as they followed Kiba.

Kiba lead them through a line of dressing rooms. He finally stopped in front of a door in the middle of the hallway. "Here we are at my dressing room!"

Kiba opened the door and entered. "Follow me!" Kiba exclaimed at Kankurou and Gaara.

Halfheartedly Kankurou led his puzzled sibling through the door and into Kiba's room.

Kankurou gapped at the room. It was one of the weirdest places he had ever seen. The whole room seemed like it wasn't real, that all the furniture was drawn, and badly drawn at that. All the strange brightly colored furniture seemed to have faces and have strange shapely patterns.

"There you go George." Kiba cooed as he placed his chicken into a cage.

"So how are you going to cure Gaara?" Kankurou said as he continued to stare at the strange place. Gaara seemed even more confused than ever.

"Paw-paw!" Akamaru suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

"It's Akamaru!" Kiba exclaimed happily. "Akamaru what do _you _we should do to cure Gaara?"

"Paw-paw-paw Paw-paw-paw!" Akamaru pressed a paw against the TV screen and made a paw print.

Kiba excitedly approached the paw print. "That's a great idea Akamaru we'll play…"

_Akamaru's Clues!_ A chorus of children replied.

"… to figure out what we need to do to cure Gaara from his appendicitis."

"Who said that? Who said that?" Kankurou exclaimed as he turned around and looked for the speakers.

Meanwhile…

"Ok, first things first Naruto." Lee exclaimed placidly. They were at Lee's dressing room seated on chairs. Naruto excitedly waited for Lee to teach him how to teach him how to be macho.

"First we have to…" Lee exclaimed slowly.

"We have to…" Naruto said excitedly.

"First we have to watch reruns of the anime series Yu-gi-oh." Lee announced.

"What?" Naruto had fallen off his chair and was climbing back into it.

"Yes you heard me right. The first thing about being cool is learning to talk cool. It's important that whenever you talk you express your feelings for your loyalty, good sportsmanship, and friends. Listen closely to the long winded speeches Yugi gives. By watching Yu-gi-oh you'll learn all you need to know. Plus you can watch the duels that take 3 episodes just to finish." Lee explained. He approached his TV and quickly put in a DVD in to the player.

"Ok first lesson, got to talk cool." Naruto quickly took out a pad a paper to take note of everything that was being said.

In Sasuke's dressing room…

"And here's the picture of us having ice cream together!" Orochimaru cooed. "Good times. Good times."

"How could it have been a good time when you weren't even there!" Sasuke exclaimed haughtily.

"Oh look! Here's a picture of Sasuke running through the sprinklers naked!' Orochimaru pointed at another picture.

"What? Give that back to me!" Sasuke quickly grabbed the picture and ripped the picture into a million pieces.

"Not to worry I have back-up copies!" Orochimaru exclaimed as he placed another copy of the picture into the photo album.

Sasuke quickly took the copy and torn it up again.

Orochimaru placed another copy of the picture back in the album.

Sasuke quickly took the copy and torn it up again.

Orochimaru placed another copy of the picture back in the album.

Sasuke quickly took the copy and torn it up again.

Orochimaru placed another copy of the picture back in the album.

Sasuke quickly took the copy and torn it up again.

Orochimaru placed another copy of the picture back in the album.

Sasuke quickly took the copy and torn it up again.

Orochimaru placed another copy of the picture back in the album.

Sasuke quickly took the copy and torn it up again.

Orochimaru placed another copy of the picture back in the album.

Sasuke quickly took the copy and torn it up again.

Orochimaru placed another copy of the picture back in the album.

"I can't take it anymore! If god won't kill me, I'll have to kill myself!" Sasuke screamed.

"Now, now Sasuke be good to your mother." Kisame exclaimed while wagging his finger "He works very hard you know."

"I know what will cheer you up Sasuke. Here have another one of my homemade blueberry muffins!" Itachi quickly stuffed a muffin into Sasuke's mouth before he could protest.

Sasuke reluctantly swallowed the muffin that was stuffed into his mouth. But right after eating the blueberry muffin Sasuke suddenly felt better. The headaches and nausea seemed to have disappeared. This was his chance. He quickly sprung up from the bed before anyone could stop him. He quickly ran out of the door of his bedroom.

"Sasuke! You're dying!" Itachi screamed as he ran to chase after his brother.

"Wait for us!" Kisame exclaimed as he followed Itachi.

"I haven't finished showing you our pictures yet." Orochimaru followed Kisame.

_I got to hurry up before those freaks find me!_ Sasuke thought as he raced down the hallway.

Up ahead a certain medical ninja was humming softly to himself. "My, I hope Sasuke likes this life-sized doll of him that I made. I mean it's the least I could do since he's dying and all." Kabuto said to himself as he admired his doll.

_Oh no their right behind me!_ Sasuke exclaimed as he looked back.

Then when Sasuke turned a corner he collided into Kabuto that was to busy admiring his work to watch where he was going.

The collision caused Kabuto to his head on the wall rendering him unconscious. Sasuke on the other hand was too panicked to notice just got up and started running again.

Finally Itachi, Kisame, and Orochimaru caught up and turned the corner. The threesome stared in shock at what they saw.

"Oh no Sasuke's dead!" Itachi exclaimed dramatically.

With the help of Yugi will Naruto learn to talk cool? Will Kankurou and Kiba be able to solve Akamaru's clues? Is Sasuke really dead?

Tune in next time…


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